


Find Me

by fencingfox



Series: This October Night [21]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Anal Fingering, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bittersweet Ending, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Dom/sub, F/M, Fictober 2019, Fluff and Angst, Inktober 2019, Kinktober 2019, M/M, Maquis, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-28 06:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21132065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencingfox/pseuds/fencingfox
Summary: Tom's first away mission with Chakotay's crew doesn't go at all as planned.*If you have been following this story but don't want to read this installment for maturity level or triggers, don't worry. You can join us again in the finale. c:





	Find Me

**Author's Note:**

> First, sorry this is late again. I swear I'll catch up some time. Maybe Wednesday, so that Thursday's story is on time. I just stay up late and get up late a lot 'cause I have late classes.
> 
> Second, I feel a little guilty about using today's kink for evil. I understand that for dom/sub to be dom/sub, it really must be consensual. Creepy Cardassian and pseudo dom B'Elanna is the best I could do cause my original story was gonna be plotless smut and I wasn't in the mood for that (sorry). Consider this a PSA on staying safe.
> 
> Third, Tom is gonna be okay. Both of them are. I got one more story for this but it's happening on the last day (if the title of the series is any indicator). It will be happy I promise. <3

* * *

**| "Change is annoyingly difficult." | laced drink | dom/sub | treasure |**

* * *

_This drink is pretty good._ Tom takes another swing of his—_what was it_. He swirls the brown-gold liquid in his tumbler. The ice clinks around the glass. Pineapple something? _Was it rum?_ He isn't sure because he'd just requested something sweet with a kick. But it's damned good. It's a good thing it is. He's been waiting for Chakotay's contact for an hour now. They'd dropped him off a bit early to avoid suspicion. But soon he'll either have to leave or partake in karaoke to keep everything kosher. There's a Cardassian giving him the side eye. _Shit._ He stands up and walks to Tom's side of the bar. Tom finishes his drink and orders a second as if he hasn't seen the Cardassian get up and head towards him. The Cardassian puts his gray hand over the top of his drink. 

"I'll pay for that, Neil." 

"Sure no thing, Dorak." Tom relaxes. That Dorak is on a first name basis with Neil makes him think he's just a local and probably not military. Dorak slides the glass to Tom. 

"Thanks." Dorak takes a seat. "I'm To-rres." He mentally winces. Hides it with another sip. It'd been the first T name he thought of that wasn't his own. Military or no, he doesn't trust Dorak. Dorak holds out his hand for Tom. Tom shakes it. He pulls him closer by an inch and smiles predatorily. _Is that what that looks like on this end?_

"You're pretty, for a human." Tom swallows and mulls over how to respond. Flirting with the regulars is probably as good a cover as any. B'Elanna won't mind. He smirks back, pretending that this isn't the grey face of a Cardassian but the honey kissed face of B'Elanna. 

"You're not so bad yourself." The Cardassian hums and releases Tom's hand. He turns to Neil and asks for a drink: a clear drink Tom didn't recognize but was probably a Cardassian specialty. 

"And Neil, keep them coming." He glances at Tom and smiles. Tom shifts uneasily under his gaze but manages a smile as well. It falls as soon as Dorak looks away. Tom nurses his drink carefully while waiting for Dorak to say something. He doesn't say anything. They move on to their next drink. Tom's feeling like he'd misunderstood. He's happier for it. Dorak leans closer. "What kind of things do you like?" He asks lowly. Tom has the feeling he isn't asking for his favorite color. 

"I had a Klingon girl back home if ya know what I mean." He sees Dorak smirk. 

"Where's she now?" Dorak smoothly requests. He does his best to sound disappointed. 

"Ah, fightin' fer her house." _It's kind of true, anyhow._ It strikes him that he doesn't know what house B'Elanna belongs to. Her father was human so does that mean there's a House of Torres out there or is it her mother's that she'd fall under? 

"Well, I'm no Klingon, but I know how to show a guy a good time." Dorak puts his hand on Tom's thigh under the table, pulling his leg towards him a little in the process. He manages to suppress a gasp of surprise. "What did she do that drove you _wild_?" _This is a little fast._ Tom reaches for the pretzels in front of him to buy time. What did he like? Should he even tell Dorak? He feels a little warm as he recalls the bite that's still healing on the top of his other thigh. She has a matching one but only after he'd wrestled her for the right. 

"Sheh liked control," he slurs. He tries harder to be clear this time. "Waz aggressive too." Tom is careful to keep his tense in the past. He doesn't want to mess up when Dorak's so close to some delicate parts of his body. Dorak purrs and squeezes Tom's thigh a little too tight. 

"So you like dom play?" That and the thigh squeeze catches him off-guard. This cover is quickly moving from flirting to something he doesn't want at all. He needs a way out. What do people need to do when they're drinking? He realizes that suddenly he has to pee. Like _really_ pee. It isn't even an excuse to leave. 

"Beh back, Dorak." Tom gives him a smile as the words fall out gracelessly. He hadn't had that much to drink. Dorak removes his hand. When Tom stands he has a little trouble finding his feet. _Jeez_, he'd been drinking slowly. He must look ridiculous. Dorak stands and steadies him. Tom has to look up a little to meet his eyes. He smiles his thanks. 

"Bathroom right? I'll walk you." Dorak wants to help him. Okay. It doesn't seem like Tom can get away from him anyhow. 

"Shure." Tom hears Dorak hit the bar with his palm softly. He looks over as his hand reveals what must be the outstanding amount to the Cardassian's tab. _That's odd._ But maybe it was an unspoken rule at this establishment. The bar entrance is kitty-corner to the men's room. Dorak starts leading them to the bathroom. He has an arm around Tom's waist to steady him. Tom's feet are more sluggish than they should be. Before he can think too hard about that, Dorak prevents him from pushing against the push door of the bathroom. Instead they take another few steps to go outside. Tom struggles weakly to pull out of his arms but it's no use. "Hey!" His mouth is heavy. Was he not drinking rum? Something Cardassian and stronger then? It'd tasted like rum. Dorak pulls him into an alleyway and finally releases his waist. Tom stumbles backwards, grateful that the brick façade of the bar is there to catch him. Dorak presses against him and aggressively kisses him—teeth, tongue, lips. He doesn't pull his punches. There's a hand on his right hip. He twists away from it and the kiss at the same time. His feet are so wobbly. He has to lean against the wall, but he does so sideways so Dorak can't pin him again. "No." Dorak's eyes walk over him. Tom feels gross. Dorak steps closer. 

"Don't tell me what to do," he spits. Dorak pushes him against the wall with forceful ease. His face hovers a few centimeters above Tom's face before taking another kiss. Tom remains tight-lipped to the best of his ability and manages to worm his hands between their chests. He pushes hard. Wrestling with B'Elanna seems to have paid off. Even drugged as he is—Dorak must have slipped something into that first drink—he can shove the Cardassian away a good two feet with the wall as support. He growls as Tom turns to the left to leave the alley. 

Dorak grabs his right arm and shoves him to the ground. He turns him onto his stomach and pins his legs with his thighs. He's facing the dirt at the alley entrance but is far enough into the darkness to not be seen. _Fucking SHIT._ Was there a safeword? Dorak had sounded pleased about Tom's dominating ex-Klingon girlfriend. _There has to be a fucking safeword._ Tom's ass is exposed to the air. _Fuck, I don't know!_ He's panicking. It's fight or flight time and he's fucking frozen. Tom'd skipped that lecture on how to avoid and survive a rape attempt, thinking he'd never be in this situation. He's strong, tall, and practically invincible. This can't be happening. He chokes on a sob. It makes him remember he has a voice. 

"Stop! Help!" The Cardassian has a finger in his ass. It's cold and dry. The contrast reminds him of something he'd heard about on campus after the lecture. It's supposed to be better at drawing a crowd for help. "FIRE!" Dorak leans over him and shoves a piece of cloth—a dirty rag—into his mouth. 

"HEY, you!" _Oh thank god._ Tom looks up as lights flash on him. Dorak jumps off him quickly. Tom reaches down to cover himself. Then he pulls the filthy rag out of his mouth as he moves to sit cross-legged. He'll be lucky if he doesn't catch something from that rag. Tom looks up as his guardian angel. He's Federation. Three gold pips stand out on his uniform turtleneck above his yellow uniform. 

"Thank you, Commander." The man does a double take but moves to help Tom up. 

"You Starfleet, boy?" Tom shakes his head as he regains his feet unsteadily. 

"Uzed ta beh." The officer looks him over and screws his face into a grimace. 

"Damn. You're Tom Paris." Tom nods slowly. He feels a little light-headed. "I'm really sorry to do this, but I gotta take you into custody, kid." Tom looks up, confused and dazed. Was it a crime to be almost raped here? 

"Maquis, kid. You're wanted for Maquis sympathizing." 

"Damn." Tom turns around without being asked. He's in no condition to run. Besides, the man had just rescued him from a fate worse than Federation prison. 

"I'll tell them how I found you. They'll have a doctor see to you." 

"No. Don't wanna beh labeled the guy arrezted azzz a victim...." His mouth is too heavy to continue. Tom hears the _zing_ of a cuff activating around first one wrist and then the other. "He juzt drugged meh." 

"If you're sure..." the Commander trails. 

"Shhure." The Commander hefts Tom off of the wall. Tom doesn't fight him. In his state, the thought of a solitary cell sounds perfect. 

**=/\=**

"What do you mean he missed the rendezvous?" B'Elanna draws back from Chakotay's room a little. She listens in. 

"Barkeep said he'd left with _Dorak_ a bit ago." The way the other caller says his name suggests he doesn't like this Dorak. It's a Cardassian name so B'Elanna already dislikes him. "Apparently they'd been real chummy. He'd been falling all over him." That didn't sound like Tom. From what she knew, when he was all over someone, it was always a woman. 

"If he wasn't such a good pilot," _that's a first,_ "I'd have sent him on his ass ages ago." She hears him sigh. "Any idea where he is?" 

"No clue." 

"I don't have time for this. I'll just have to fly." _Chakotay wants to leave?_ B'Elanna forgets she isn't supposed to be eavesdropping and barges into the doorway. 

"Captain, let me get him." Chakotay looks up at her. She can't see who's on the screen in front of him. Chakotay's expression recovers. 

"You sleeping with him doesn't give him any special privileges to me." 

"You wouldn't leave Seska behind," she counters. His expression freezes in fury. 

"Fine. But I'm leaving in an hour with or without you." 

"I'll come back. I swear." She turns abruptly to leave. She only has an hour. 

**=/\=**

_He was supposed to meet his contact at this bar._ B'Elanna looks around. She'd ordered a drink so as not to look out of place while she assessed the bar. According to the man talking to Chakotay, Tom had left here with a Cardassian. Not that the description helps, half of the bar is Cardassian. The other half was Federation. Both companies have her neck hairs standing on end. She picks her drink up to take a sip only to find it's empty. She swears and orders another blood wine. So far, no one looks like a promising lead. Someone reaches across her personal space to cover the top of her newest drink. _Well, I'm not touching that._ She looks over at the profile of a tall, grey Cardassian. 

"I'll pay for that, Neil." 

"Sure no thing, Dorak." B'Elanna freezes. If Dorak's here, where's Tom? Dorak takes the seat next to her and orders his own drink, requesting that the bartender keep them coming. B'Elanna prickles. She takes the drink from his hand and feigns a sip. 

"Thanks." He reaches a hand out to her. She takes it. 

"And you are?" She doesn't like him at all. She glares but he doesn't let go of her hand. 

"Torres," she half snarls. She's not in the habit of giving her first name to Cardassian scum. His lip quirks and he releases her hand. 

"Torres. Funny." He takes a sip of his drink. It's Crema: bubbly seltzer that tastes like alcohol but has none of the actual alcohol. "That's the second time I've heard that tonight. Tell me, _Klingon_, do you know a tall blond man with blue eyes?" _Tom._ Her expression softens for only a moment. Then it hardens. There are a million concerns running through her head. _Had he tried this trick on Tom? Where is he? Lying in a dark alley bleeding?_ Her heart is cold. She stands before she knows what she's doing and shoves the Cardassian from his barstool. He staggers backwards and his stool clatters next to him. The murmur of voices dies down. 

"Yes, I know him." She presses her boot to the man's chest to keep him down. What she wouldn't do for stilettos right now is a very short list. "If you fucking hurt him _petaQ_," she spits on his face with the guttural sound, "I'll tear you to shreds." He wipes his cheek, seeming not to be bothered by it. 

"I didn't do anything, hun." He has the smugness of a liar. Her heart clenches. But she can't admit weakness. Not now. She shifts her boot to his groin and presses down with the pressure of a quarter of her weight. He yelps. "Fine," he utters a Cardassian swear. "I slipped him a little something and took him to the alley." She presses down to half her weight. He jerks up and continues loudly and quickly. "Fed bastard stopped me!!" 

"You!" A Federation officer, B'Elanna assumes it's the same one who'd stopped him, stands. Dorak tries to escape but B'Elanna returns to half-her-weight pressure as she'd let up accidentally. The yellow chested officer gestures for her to let him up. He jerks the Cardassian to his feet. Honestly, he seems glad not to be under B'Elanna's boot any more. "You are under arrest for the attempted rape of Tom Paris," _he's okay,_ "and the rape of four additional men and women." The officer pulls him close to his chest aggressively and threatens into the taller man's ear. "Nice to meet you _Dorak_." B'Elanna looks up at the barkeep, remembering his role in all this, only to see that he's no longer there. 

"Klingon." B'Elanna glares at the officer who'd called for her. Two other Federation officers are taking the Cardassian from his custody. "Sorry. I don't know your name." 

"I'd rather not." He takes in her local clothing and seems to put together that she must be Maquis because he says, "you're part of Tom's crew?" She knows her rights. 

"I refuse to answer one way or another," she crosses her arms in front of herself defiantly. He sighs. 

"Alright peach, have it your way." She softens when it looks like he might leave. He knows what happened to Tom. She uncrosses her arms. 

"Can you take me to him? Tom, I mean. I'm his...." Is five days long enough to be considered dating? "Friend." He smiles apologetically. 

"New relationship huh?" How did he know? He looks wistful. "I remember those." He waves his hand in a 'come along' gesture. "I'll take you to him. I feel bad for arresting him finding him the way I did. But you're...the girl he eloped with here and you got worried when he hadn't come home." He sighs and says tiredly, "I don't want to arrest you too. I've had enough." She nods. 

"Okay. Call me Lanna." 

"Hi Lanna. I'm James." They climb into his shuttle. She takes the front seat and is glad that Dorak isn't in the back with them. He's silent and so is she. She keeps circling around the events in the bar and James' cryptic comment about finding Tom the way he had. What did he mean? 

"Is he?" She wrings her hands in her lap. When she notices, she forces them to still. She closes her eyes. "Is he okay?" 

"Tom's okay. He was a little groggy and shaken. But," B'Elanna looks over at James. James looks over at her with sincerity. "I did stop Dorak before things got too far." She nods and faces forward. _That's good right?_ But now she wants to know what too far means to James. Had he stopped them before they'd kissed? Before Dorak knocked Tom out cold? Before Tom had his clothes torn off? Before Dorak ejaculated? She shuts her eyes to stop the thoughts but that only gives her mind the black backdrop to treat her to images instead. Tom on all fours. Tom crying. Tom screaming. She needs to know. She opens her eyes. 

"By too far?" Her voice is unsteady. 

"He was gagged. He had his pants down. He was pinned to the ground on his stomach. Dorak had a finger in him. That's all." They turn into the docking of the Federation prison. "He did the right thing by calling for help when he could." B'Elanna nods. She remembers the lecture on protecting against rape. Make an excuse to leave, even if it's just to go to the bathroom. Travel in trusted groups. Don't take drinks from strangers. Make a code word or phrase for help. Don't go quietly. She remembers the video they'd shown about it all. It even talked about how the fight or flight response sometimes malfunctioned and produced the freeze response where victims couldn't move and sometimes couldn't yell either. It made it clear that the response is purely biological and not the victim's fault. Still, she's glad Tom had been able to yell. While it wouldn't have been his fault if things went sideways, he'd been able to rise above biological hinderances and play his own hero. 

James parks the shuttle and waits the necessary time for the locking mechanisms to latch to the sides. He lifts his door up and B'Elanna does the same on the other side. He takes her to a counter and has her sign her name. She signs it as Lanna Paris, worried the entire time that the desk clerk will see how ill-practiced the signature is. Either he doesn't care or he doesn't notice. James reaches behind the counter for a visitor badge and hands it to her. She clips it to her shirt collar. He leads her through the locked doors and takes her on so many twists and turns that she can't remember the way back. _So much for busting him out._ Tom's laying on his bed in his cell staring at the ceiling. His bed is the only bed there. It hangs from the right wall by two diagonal support bars. He hasn't seen her yet. B'Elanna looks at James. 

"Can I go in?" She looks back at Tom who's sitting and looking at her with wide eyes. 

"I have to lock it behind you." 

"Okay." James steps forward and B'Elanna scoots aside to let him unlock the door in front of her. When it's open he holds it out for her, separating him from her by the bars. She steps inside. The door clatters shut when she rushes to hug Tom. She buries her face in his neck. He smells like the bar still: cigarette smoke and sweat. She doesn't care. She squeezes him tightly and he squeezes back. But he pushes her away too soon and she wonders if he's still shaken. He points at the placard below the window in the hall across his cell. It reads: No physical contact with inmates. James isn't looking at them though, so she leans forward warily to kiss him. Her eyes watch his for signs of fear. He closes his eyes and kisses her. She closes hers when their lips meet. 

She hums her gratitude against his lips. James clears his throat. She breaks away and looks at his stern expression. He mouths 'not here', smiles, and turns back around. She presses her forehead to Tom's and whispers, "I was so worried. Cha-rles wanted to leave you behind." It strikes her that it's a little ridiculous for her to be so scared and now so glad to see him. Five days ago, he'd been obnoxiously trying to have sex with her. They still hadn't had sex. Just kissed and wrestled in night clothes. 

"I think he'll have to anyway," he whispers back. "They have me for Maquis sympathizing." She doesn't want to accept it. 

"Maybe James will let you go." 

"James?" She jerks her head back towards him without taking her eyes from Tom's face. 

"Oh him. Nice 'fella. Maybe." Determined, B'Elanna stands and taps James on the shoulder lightly. 

"James?" He gives her a _hmm_ without turning around and looks down at his nails like there's something interesting there. She gets the hint and lowers her voice to a quiet whisper. "Any chance you'll let him go?" 

"Sorry Lanna. I can't. He's already booked." Her stomach drops. Well, she sort of expected as much. "Oh, and ten minutes. You got ten minutes before you need to go. It's not technically visitor's hours." He must be putting a lot on the line to keep her here. She turns back to Tom, gestures for him to lie down, and curls up facing him. He throws an arm around her waist and brings her a little closer so their calves tangle. 

"It's going to be weird without you." Weird isn't really the best word B'Elanna has to describe it. Against all odds, she might actually be in love with Tom. Or maybe it was infatuation masquerading as love. It's too early to really tell. ...And she won't be able to find out. 

"Change is annoyingly difficult," he quotes her from this morning. She smiles. 

*******

_She wakes up to the pleasant sensation of Tom stroking her hair. When she opens her eyes, he kisses each of her forehead ridges in the ritual he developed._

_"Good morning, sunshine." It makes her smile to hear his voice._

_"Good morning, Tom." She didn't have any nicknames for him—not pleasant ones anyway—so Tom would have to do. He didn't seem to mind. They lay silently in bed for a moment, neither one willing to leave the other. She snuggles a little closer to his warmth. He sighs with content._

_"You're a real gem you know that? My own personal treasure." She smiles against his chest. He starts to twist a strand of her hair at the back of her head between his fingers. "Your hair is so beautiful. Ever think about growing it out?" She shakes her head._

_"Change is annoyingly difficult." His body rumbles with his laughter._

_"I suppose it is." He drops his hand and squeezes her close. "Then I like you how you are."_

*******

"You're crying." Tom draws her out of the warm memory and back into the bleak prison cell. She wipes her eyes. He helps her and then lets his hand linger on her cheek while his thumb slides back and forth. He kisses her nose. She giggles. 

"I was thinking about this morning." They'd woken up cuddling like they had every night since the night he'd kissed her. Seska had left soon after him that first night and told her to go get Tom. Truthfully, she thinks Seska was just glad she wouldn't pine over Chakotay any more. 

"That was nice." He falls silent. She guesses he's thinking about what waking up in a prison cell without her is going to be like. She doesn't want to think about waking up in her bed without him. Somehow that's worse. He can at least compartmentalize. She'll still be expecting his arms around her when she wakes up for a while. "What did James mean by not here?" _Oh, a subject change. Good._ She actually doesn't know. What had they been doing? Kissing. She'd made a noise. _Oh._ She feels herself blush. 

"I think he wanted to make sure I knew this wasn't a conjugal visit." 

"Conjugal? That's for married inmates." She nuzzles closer to him. It isn't as warm without a blanket, but at least she has him. 

"Apparently, I'm the girl you eloped with here and I got worried when you hadn't come home." She tilts up to kiss him and then pulls away to memorize his face. "I even signed in as Lanna Paris." He hums appreciatively. 

"Has a nice ring to it." She giggles and slides her hand up to face level between them by rolling back a little. She wiggles her fingers, not sure why she does it. _Five days. Come on, B'Elanna._

"_Almost_." He slides his hand to hers and interlaces their fingers slowly. He unfolds his elbow so their hands fall at their hips. He kisses her. She's careful to be quiet lest James reprimand her again. She hears James clear his throat but neither of them pull away. They'd been quiet. She's sure of it. James clears his throat again. 

"It's time to go, Lanna." _Oh._ For a moment she'd been able to forget where they were. She opens her eyes and the bleakness of the situation returns. As much as she'd like to stay, she'd have a hard time finding work with no formal schooling and no prior employers. She sits and then stands to go. She hears Tom sit after she stands. She can't turn around, not yet, or she'll do the wrong thing and stay. She turns around when she's on the other side of the door with it latched. He's sitting on his bed cross-legged while leaning against the concrete wall. His breathing is shallow. 

"Find me." He lets out a long breath, apparently relieved. It occurs to her that maybe he'd expected her to dump him. She's purposely leaving it open for whatever he chooses. 

"I will."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I'm really passionate about rape stigmatization and portrayal.
> 
> Some of you probably were like, "wtf Tom that drink is so drugged don't drink it nooooooo." You could understandably (but misguidedly) find fault with him. I say the fault is in society for teaching girls from a young age not to take drinks from strangers but believing boys won't be harmed. Shame on you society. This accounts for Tom and B'Elanna's very different reactions to the hand trick.
> 
> I find it frustrating how even well-meaning informational videos or writings still choose wording that carry the connotations of blame. Take _Just Say Fire_, the documentary I drew upon for the fire line, for example. The marketing slogan is "empowering girls to protect themselves." I find fault in it (aside from the gendered focus) because empowering connotes that you only need its imparted wisdom to be safe so if that doesn't work it's not on anyone but yourself.
> 
> While the slogan is probably meant as hopeful optimism, it's important to realize that the freeze short-circuit in the fight or flight response can be so powerful that people forget they have neighbors to hear them or the door is open. _**It's terrifying but sometimes there is nothing a person can do**_ because biology made us prey animals with prey-like behavior. This is why I say Tom is going above and beyond to be his own hero.
> 
> If you relate to this or find solitude in the characters who survive, my heart and soul go out to you. Bless you. <3
> 
> If you wanna fight me on this, fine. I'll go blow for blow.
> 
> Finally, if you take nothing else, remember, people can't control the biology that formed them.


End file.
